Dreamlst

I guess I wouldn’t be wrong if I said most people’s definition of happiness would be something along the lines of “life always goes the way I want it to”. All of us want things from life, and most of us definitely want to get them. But not many do, do they?

Well, here’s the thing. We are human and it seems we are wired for wanting. It’s not like we get what we wanted and we stop wanting. Maybe we do, but just for a little while. And then we hop off to the next thing we want. And the next. And the next.

We tend to want the things we don’t have but others do. Even if they are not better objectively. We have curly hair, we want straight. We have brown eyes, we want blue. We have a nice house but the neighbours have nicer. The grass is always greener on the other side.

So then, if we applied this logic to what we tend to want from life, would we still want it if we had it?

To put this even simpler, would we be happy if we were always getting everything we wanted?

My wild guess is no.

Then we would probably want for once things not to go our way cause they always do and it’s boring. We would want some variety. Some adventure.

And these are things we want now too. We appreciate the extraordinary. We love surprises. We aim for out of the box.

So why then would we want to live a life so predictable? Where would be the thrill of living, if we knew whatever we imagined would eventually land in our lap?

I see this like a relationship and the way we choose partners. I think most of us wouldn’t be truly happy with a significant other who always does what we say and never challenges us and surprises us. We like them to be their own person with their own opinions and life.

Because, in the end, this is what makes relationships worthwhile. They give us the opportunity to grow by showing us new sides to ourselves and, oftentimes, new sides to life too. If the other person always did what we do, had the same hobbies and never proposed something new, we would not only get bored but also never discover new exciting opportunities.

It is true relationships can be a bit too challenging at times. We have to compromise. And we have to compromise a lot.

But we do it for the person we love.

Then why not love life and compromise for it every now and then too?

Definitely not all the time. Some things we want too much to give up on. But there are others we can compromise on.

Life actually does that all the time. Maybe it had another grand plan in mind, but it notices our efforts and compromises and gives us a chance.

So isn’t that a life worth living?

Isn’t that a life worth loving?

It is not all black and white. Some of us find it harder to see than others.

After all, isn’t that what the grey is? Black and white coming together. And existing together as something new.

Let’s agree, most of us want to have our cake and eat it. We want it both ways, we want mutually exclusive things.

We want a great career, an amazing social life, entertaining hobbies and enough sleep. We want commitments but we want our freedom too.

The FOMO is real. We want it ALL.

Well, some good news here. Physics says that’s possible. If you’ve ever heard of the Schrödinger’s Cat, you get the idea (If you haven’t, check out this sweet and short article by National Geographic). The cat is both dead and alive until you open the box and observe just either.

And here’s where the magic ends. Once you observe things, they become just one of the (multiple) options they could have been. And observing things changes them. Your perception usually shapes them into what’s familiar or needed.

So it seems we can have it all, until… we have just some. Could be mutually exclusive, too. Everyone made fun of UK’s PM Boris Johnson when he said go out but stay home, we need a heard immunity but we need a lockdown, you only go outside if essential but have your meal in a restaurant.

We are faced with such decisions most of the time. It’s a balancing act. It is about understanding that something can be both sides of the coin at the same time.

And it is, more than anything, about accepting it. About respecting the duality of our world. Of your own world. You can be both good and bad, capable and incapable, enough and not enough. And that’s okay. We’ve been shown everything changes. Sometimes way too quickly.

Only if you are willing to behold the extremes, do you find the middle ground.

Therefore, you are not in a position to decide your future, you are in a superposition.

Just prepare, once it comes to actually living it, you would need to prioritize and make trade-offs.

Until then, you have it all. Right here, right now.

Is it just me or do we always spend more time thinking about what could go wrong and not about what could go right?

Yeah, I know that we need direction and our brain needs an amount of information that won’t overwhelm it. So usually when we imagine things going our way, we have one preferable way. Not that we may not be satisfied otherwise, it’s just easier to focus on one scenario only.

So why, then, do we choose to burn our brain with all the failure options? It would be TMI either way, so how did we decide that was the better one?

I can’t deny being prepared for a disaster can save you. Anticipating challenges and reacting appropriately is vital to survival, and I believe, thriving. Let us then admit that getting ready for trouble is not a complete waste of time.

Right?

Well, the concept looks good on paper (or in typing). However, are we really using all those pictures of doom our mind can come up with to train ourselves how to face whatever comes our way?

I’m not entirely certain. What usually happens is us getting so entrenched with all the stuff that could go wrong, we forget there are stuff remaining that could still go right. We burn out and prefer not to think. Maybe also give up our goal altogether. Without even trying.

Then this is what I want to ask. If we are not to use the negative scenarios as good preparation, then why not use the positive ones for good inspiration?

Have you ever even TRIED to imagine ALL THE THINGS THAT COULD GO RIGHT?

I know, it’s difficult at first. After being trained to go for the negative by default, shifting the perspective might require quite of an effort. But it’s worth it. If nothing else, it’s a good exercise for your brain.

I guess it all comes down to being realistic. Too high of hopes, and you end up shattered on the ground. But always being on the lookout for ways that can fail you… well, you’ll come across a ton.

Oh, and by the way, this is not me telling you to go for the positive, it is all sunshine and rainbows. It’s just a proposal that you may want to try out.

Who knows, maybe you’d anticipate that this event you are going to will be attended by recruiters too so you have your CV ready. Or publishers go to the same dancing class, so you’ve perfected your book pitch. Yes, it will also be helpful for you to know all you try might fail but that the world will keep turning.

So, there it goes. Whether you pick the good or bad scenario simulator is completely up to you.

Experiment and go for the one that works best.

It’s too much. I agree.

Those 4 walls. Or 20 walls or 100. Doesn’t matter, I want out. We all want out.

If somebody asked us “Would you like to stay home for 3 months and chill or just be flexible and work from home?” like half a year ago, most of us would be very excited to accept this irresistible offer. Okay, I agree the offer conveniently doesn’t mention stay home and don’t go anywhere else in rather unsettling conditions, but some people would still hop at the chance.

Most of us would agree for sure if it was for a few days or a week. We all need a break sometimes. From the business, from people.

But give us too long of a break and too much of ourselves and we freak out.

Most of us are completely not used to being by themselves. It almost feels unnatural. I agree we are part of a society and this is the way for us to function normally. For life to keep going on, at least 2 humans are needed. But making others a part of each and every aspect of your life is a recipe for, as we learned the hard way, failure.

Situations like this make us see that, after all, it’s not a bad skill to know how to be all on your own. As would be necessary every now and then.

Times are changing and our heads are buzzing with thoughts, analyses, mental notes and external stimuli. It would be kind of impossible to worry if you’ve turned the iron off in the times iron wasn’t a thing. It would be far from your thoughts to try to estimate whether 64 is a good number of likes in the pre-Facebook era. It wouldn’t be on your mind to spend hours watching inspirational (or stupid) videos on Youtube when this simply wasn’t an option.

And, hold on in there, I’m not saying these things are bad. They are part of our life right now and to a certain extent, a part of who we are.

So it is not about we allow those things or not. It is the extent we allow them up to.

Straying home has challenged us to live in a very stumilii-less environment. And this is not something we are used to. The discomfort arrives instantly. Something is missing, but do we know what? One more video, one more episode, 20 min more of scrolling, maybe more of the news?

Hearing our own thoughts and questions can be painful at times. Is distraction the answer?

I can’t deny it could be. But only a short-term solution. Cause you take yourself everywhere you go and in everything you do. Sooner or later, stuff comes out. And then you can’t play it distracted.

As usual, balance is the key. Too much of nothing, and you’d go crazy. Too much of everything, and you’d go crazy. But learning to be by yourself and to be okay with yourself would also improve the times you are not by yourself.

Staying home and dreaming to be elsewhere all the time is not the best thing you could do. You will go out eventually, don’t worry.

And now, why don’t you go take a look at the rooms you usually avoid to? Who knows what hidden treasures you may find there.

We humans are a highly adaptive species. We might not enjoy it, but we are all getting used to living in between 4 walls. Getting used to seeing the same 1-2 faces every day, getting used to moving face-to-face activities online. This is not a dream world but it is far better than the worst scenarios.

The panic quickly subsides and we are on to wondering when we’ll be going back to normal. We miss it, yet we are slightly terrified of it. After all, we can’t even be sure what “normal” will look like after this is over.

Hopefully, we’re going to come out of these unprecedented times with refreshed outlook. Better equipped to live a “normal” life.

Because, let’s face it. We’ve been taking so many things for granted.

The lives of our loved ones.
The food we put on the table.
Our (non-)fulfilling job.
Our house/room/bed.
Our social life.
Our mental health.
Our own life.

When all of this is over, I sincerely hope we will get to go back to normal. And yes, I’ll be glad to meet up with friends and to go to parks and pubs and go on that trip to a tropical island and start that exciting new job.

But that’s not exactly what I mean.

What I really hope for is we can go back to being cool with being normal. Because nowadays, this is something rare.

With the rise of social media and connectedness, we started to feel like being normal is not normal. It kind of looks like what’s normal these days is for each and every one of us to be extraordinary. To be a standout with his Instagram followers, his post retweets, his worldly goods and status.

I can’t deny that the opportunities to make it big right now are more than ever before. Our parents and grandparents never had these options.

However, fewer chances to succeed also means fewer chances to feel like a failure.

Scrolling down on Facebook/Instagram, every 5th post is an ad of someone who wants to tell you their secrets of how they managed to get… (insert here count of followers, subscribers, clients, fortune). Most of these are standing casually dressed in front of a pool, not as often in front of shiny cars. They preach and they preach, and they curse and they tell you to hustle and to aim for the top 0.000001%.

Not to rest until you get that.

And I totally get that. I know there is a God dormant in all of us who is just waiting to be awoken to start working wonders. I know we are capable of far more than we can even start to imagine.

And I can’t agree more that most of the time we need a little nudge to get it all going. Or a massive push.

What I want to say is, if you are a hustler, do go ahead and hustle. The world needs all kinds of people. (But please, if possible, do not walk over kind hearts and the environment while on your endeavour).

But if you are not a hustler, just don’t do it. No need to feel like less of a person if you are not reading 5 books per day or not cold-calling 1000 companies per week. If you are not followed by the thousands or read by millions.

If you want an example of how doing what everyone else is doing is not always the best idea, just remember the events of a month ago.

Everyone rushed and bought toilet paper because everyone else was buying toilet paper. People fought over toilet paper and hoarded rooms with it without even knowing why. Just because everyone else was doing it.

Then we paused, we looked around, we realised toilet paper will not save us and comfort us. We condemned humanity’s stupidity, and we stopped buying toilet paper.

So yeah, hoarding toilet paper and expecting to be safe and hoarding money and expecting to be happy are kind of similar.

Success is only real success to us when it is also fulfilling.

And being fulfilled starts with accepting who we are right here, right now. With or without all the achievement badges. With being fine to be nobody, just yourself. Because this is when you can start to become somebody. Somebody you’d be happy with.

Yes, the most pressing question right now is “When are we going back to normal?”
It has gone a bit out of fashion and it’s time to bring it back.

*This is not a call for you to lose your identity and conform. It is a call to accept yourself just as you are right now, and THEN go be extraordinary, if that’s what you are after.

Your friends have finally managed to convince you.
“It will be such good fun, not scary AT ALL!” they are excited to drag you in quicker. You said you were all alright standing by the side and watching. But no, they insisted you not be a coward and come take a ride.

So you did. You said fuck it and went.
Your confidence was shooting through the roof while your friends were cheering you for your bravery. Suddenly you got the feeling this whole thing would be a piece of cake, you were so stupid to be afraid.

But then a few minutes later you lost it.
The shorter the queue became, the more your confidence shrank.
It was replaced by anxiety, sweaty palms and beating heart. You were telling yourself there was no need for all of this. “Calm down, calm down…”

“Sit down!” the man on the side shouts and quickly fastens all the seatbelts. Now you have no time for worry. Everything happens so quickly.

Before you know it, you start moving. “Oh, it’s not that bad,” you tell yourself and actually trust those words.

And THEN it begins. And what do you do?

Your reaction is automatic. Does it even take a millisecond? You are now holding on tightly and squeezing your eyes shut as hard as you can. You maybe even scream.

Welcome to the rollercoaster.

How do we deal with ups and downs even when they are timed far apart? Sometimes it proves too demanding even when they are anticipated.

Then what about ups and downs so frequently alternating they threaten to drive you crazy? To drive you way beyond crazy and back, and way beyond crazy and back again…

Times are very weird for many of us who haven’t experienced very weird times before. And maybe also for the ones who have.

Uncertainty is looming and answers are scarce.
Scenarios, conspiracies and fears are countless but the reality is just one.

And we all experience it right now. It is so odd how separated yet how together we are. It’s difficult to imagine how the distancing brings us closer but in a way, it does – we realize we are all in this together.

We see we are not the only one going through all of this.
When we pass people by on the street, look at them creating funny memes on social media, it seems they have their shit perfectly together. But if we look a bit closer, we can tell they’ve got this same limbo boiling inside.

For many of us, the story unfolded along the same lines.
We felt uneasy when we first heard of it and tried to brush it off.
Then as it became a bit bigger, came a bit closer, we possibly tried to deny it and laugh it off. But then it kept coming closer, the queue kept getting shorter…

And in a way, we reacted automatically. We’ve adjusted to the new reality as quickly and as best as we can.

We know for how long we have to wash our hands, how far apart we have to stand, what we are allowed to go out for.

However, there’s no right degree of worry, no estimated standard count of mood swings, no invalid feelings.

We have all boarded this insane rollercoaster and none has any idea when and how we get to get off of it.

For the time being, we can only hold on tight. Eyes shut and screaming optional.

We all know what procrastinating means. Some of us do it daily, others less often but we do fall victim to scheduling our biggest goals for the never-coming tomorrow.

And we do know it doesn’t help. It doesn’t make us feel better. On the contrary, it only makes us feel worse.

Instead of doing that thing and getting it over with, we feel the constant pressure of deadlines. Or if the deadline is self-imposed or missing altogether, we just know, in anything we do, we should be doing that other thing we are not. That other thing we postpone but never remove from the to-do list. Ending up feeling like a failure pretty much all the time.

There are already so many sources out there on how to combat procrastination. Apps, the Pomodoro technique, mental games of rewards and punishments. So here I will not speak about that. I won’t focus on giving tips on how to stop putting things off.

I want to focus on one aspect I don’t see covered as much. I call it the Procrastinator’s Pitfall. It is especially pronounced in creative people, even though each postponer suffers from it.

It is the pitfall of starting something, leaving it for (quite) some time and then coming back to it, only to realize you are not the same person who started it.

Obviously, this is not the biggest issue you face if you are preparing a company’s annual report or a university presentation on perfect competition.

But if you are writing an article, a book, preparing a life plan, painting a picture, or doing anything else that requires the output first pass through your personal viewpoint, then you are a bit fucked.

How many times have I started writing something, then started another, then another, never finishing any of these? Then I try to come back finish the first piece but guess what – I can no longer remember/relate to the point I was trying to convey back then. So I think I’ve hit writer’s block. And I keep procrastinating. And I start more things I never finish. And I keep feeling like a total failure.

Now you might ask why would I want to produce anything that I can’t relate to. Of course, I don’t want to. But back then, when I had this fresh idea, I was relating to it. I had it all mapped out in my brain but then I lose the map. Sometimes I simply cannot remember where I was going with it. What a comparison/point I was trying to make.

And that feels so bad. Having something (possibly great) on your mind and then losing it simply because you were too lazy, too far from a comfort zone, too much of a procrastinator.

This is why I strive to finish anything I start in one sitting. I can always edit later. I can always throw that paper in the bin. But I will have the amazing feeling of achievement. Of having finally finished something.

It is true that the one-sitting approach can’t always work. Book writers, you’ve been dealt the poor cards. As much as you try, fighting physiological needs like sleep, eating and toilet would only work for a few hours.

But this is why you have a word count. A daily goal works just perfectly. You achieve it and then are free to do whatever. In your newly-achieved exhilarated state of non-procrastinator.

And guess what? You are then far more likely to come back write tomorrow. Because now you are confident you can. You saw yourself do it yesterday, so what would stop you today? Whereas never achieving your goal and feeling like a failure is not really conducive to future accomplishments.

Surely, in the case of writing a book or dealing with another lengthy creative process, you can get stuck for real. You may have no clue where you want to take the story next. And that’s okay, then it is indeed recommended you drop that thing and do something else.

So that you can actually come back not the same person who started it. So that you have a new perspective and tons of fresh ideas.

Sometimes a book is just waiting for you to grow and become the person who can write it. And it is willing to wait.

That’s where another important point comes. If you can’t finish in one sitting and you feel completely stuck and know you won’t do that thing, please remove it from your to-do list. At least for today.

As soon as you feel yourself postponing something that should have been done today and you know you are not doing it anyways, better not to force yourself do it late-night and at the expense of sleep and lots of frustration, ending up not finishing again.

This is by no means to tell you to drop streaks and hope for a better day. No, just have a productivity deadline.

You know at what time you want to be in bed. You know all the other things you would like to do today. This is why you always get the advice to do the hardest thing first. As because of it you are likely also not to do the easy ones. Wasting time “doing it” but actually distracting yourself with stupid stuff.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Try today and if it works – great. If not, simply say you need a break and come back tomorrow. Tell yourself you need to be a different person to finish this.

And believe me, you can change so much in a single day. You can be bombarded by realizations, inspiring situations, anything you never thought would move your art forward.

So yeah – the idea here is not to beat yourself up. To try to avoid the loss of confidence due to feeling like a failure. If you really, really want it, you will do it. You must do it. And most of the time, you must force yourself do it.

Believe that life’s got your back and it won’t let that dream goal escape. It will give you the needed guidelines, but from then on – it is up to you.

If books would auto-write themselves… the world wouldn’t be such a beautiful place would it?

Entropy – the measure of a system’s thermal energy per unit temperature that is unavailable for doing useful work. Because work is obtained from ordered molecular motion, the amount of entropy is also a measure of the molecular disorder, or randomness, of a system.

No, this blog hasn’t suddenly turned into a physics hub. I just want to make a point and what better way than to use the second law of thermodynamics?

Which happens to say that “entropy always increases with time”.

In simple (or maybe overly simplified) words, disorder is taking over. No way to counteract it, this is a universal law.

And now we come to the very essence of the matter. What does this physics lecture have to do with living a fulfilling life?

Well, I guess you have noticed it too. Murphy’s law in real life. The sandwich always falling down on its topping side. You trying hard but still messing up.

The thing is, the Universe has been programmed with far more “disorder” than “order” scenarios.

So the probability of shit happening is kinda bigger than it not happening.

Stephen Hawking has illustrated this with a nice example in “Brief History of Time”. He says if we have a jigsaw puzzle in a box and shake that box, the chances of getting the pieces all around is much greater than getting them exactly in place to form the picture they are meant to.

Then, are all our attempts to create order, to achieve something, doomed? We are on our way of ruining the Earth, the Sun is bound to explode, the Universe might shrink back together… so why bother?

Here’s the thing. Despite all of the disorder scenarios, the order ones still exist. The chances of them occurring may be lower, but that doesn’t make them non-existent. (If they didn’t exist, you wouldn’t be reading these lines!) They are still here and they are worth the fight.

Despite all odds. In spite of entropy.

I feel a certain kind of release upon admitting this truth. Even a surge of entertainment.

It’s like screaming your head off with the words “Hey entropy, I know you are bigger and stronger and almighty and stuff but guess what? I’m not giving in!”

(mosquito quotes time)

“Don’t be afraid to bite on a giant, learn from the mosquito”
― Bangambiki Habyarimana

“If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try going to bed with a mosquito”
― Dalai Lama

Even if you don’t achieve your grand plan the way you have imagined it to, you have at least tried to be entropy’s pain in the ass.

Isn’t it ever so slightly more motivating to fight against all odds? Isn’t this what all good stories are made up of?

No matter whether you win or lose, you remain a hero forever. Like the famous battle of Leonidas and the 300 Spartans against the Persians.
If nothing else, it made for a great blockbuster movie.

Of course, the point here is not to make a complete mess out of yourself deliberately.

But not to give up even if everything seems impossible.
Cause most definitely it isn’t.

I am sure you have heard of this another very famous movie – The Butterfly Effect. I don’t know about the movie, but in essence, this effect describes how a very small and insignificant action can have the power to mess up a huge, complex system.
The term, closely associated with the work of Edward Lorenz, is derived from the metaphorical example of the details of a tornado (the exact time of formation, the exact path taken) being influenced by minor perturbations such as the flapping of the wings of a distant butterfly several weeks earlier. (Wikipedia)

So yeah, if a butterfly can affect a tornado, imagine what you are capable of. I mean, we can already see the lengths the humankind is getting to. We just take them for granted, accept them for something normal. But all the big structures and edge-cutting innovations are something grandiose, come to think of it.

We just keep trying. To survive, to bring more order. Whether the world ends tomorrow or in billion years. We won’t probably be around to witness entropy completely taking over, so why give up now?

It is astonishing how whether you’ve tidied up your room or not is completely insignificant to humankind. And how whether humankind continues to be or not is completely insignificant to the rest of the Universe.

Yet if the tidiness of your room matters to you, then that’s all that matters. It’s your own battle with entropy. Your own crusade against the mess of life.

Keep trying and know if you get failures, it is simply because the world is wired that way. Because its creative director’s juices flow on the side of disorder. Because it’s having more fun trying to mess with you. So why don’t you have some fun trying to bring some order to ma’am entropy?

One more thing to note.

If you tried only once and succeeded, you wouldn’t try again, right? You wouldn’t try better.

And this last point I have saved for the end, cause it basically undermines everything I said so far. (Oops)

The truth is, the more you try and the more effort you put in, the more energy you give off, you are kinda assisting entropy do its job.
I know the article became messy, but did someone just say enough physics for today?

Now you have a choice.

Not giving up is the only option, but you decide whether you want to feel like David against Goliath or like the almighty’s ally.

In spite of or because of entropy.
Keep going.

So many people stumble upon the meant to be feeling, don’t they?

But how many of them move on to the meant to be reality?

Many times, what felt like it was meant to be, was destined to be meant to break.

But here’s the thing.

There’s nothing wrong with that.

To be honest, I haven’t tested if diamonds are forever, but I know nothing much really is. Everything comes and goes, so what makes love the odd one out?

Most definitely, love that’s meant to be, exists. I am not here to deny that.

I just want to acknowledge love that’s meant to break is just as significant and beautiful part of life.

Aren’t the break of dawn, the butterfly breaking the chrysalis some of the most beautiful parts of life?

Haven’t the broken hearts of humankind produced some of the finest things life has to offer – poetry, art, maybe even wine?

In the end, love is love. Nothing more and nothing less. Even if it didn’t last, even if it ended all in tears.

Sometimes love means destruction, simply because we still have to learn how to build.

Sometimes love means to break both of us, so that we can see we are whole even without it.

So that we can finally notice our own cracks and tend to them, not try to cover them behind a shiny armour.

“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” – Leonard Cohen

I know what your fear is. I really do.

You are afraid a crack might mean you pour out completely. Become utterly empty, just a shell of yourself.

However, a break through your walls, more often than not, leads to a breakthrough if you’d let that happen.

So yeah. Since the very beginning, some loves are only meant to break us.

And that’s okay. Completely okay.

Should you look better after it next time? Should you handle it with extra care?

Maybe, or maybe not.

Remember, it is not love that’s fragile. It’s you.

So look after yourself. Go pick up those broken pieces and put them back together.

Next time love pours in, it will stay.

Because it genuinely means to.

Don’t anticipate a break or just assume love’s pefect and it will never break.

Love may or may not be perfect, it’s not on me to tell.

But you, and the people you love, and will love, are not.

We have our shortcomings, and that’s okay.

It’s okay to have a love meant to break so that you can learn to spot a love meant to last.

You wouldn’t want to miss that last one, would you?