Holding On

Your friends have finally managed to convince you.
“It will be such good fun, not scary AT ALL!” they are excited to drag you in quicker. You said you were all alright standing by the side and watching. But no, they insisted you not be a coward and come take a ride.

So you did. You said fuck it and went.
Your confidence was shooting through the roof while your friends were cheering you for your bravery. Suddenly you got the feeling this whole thing would be a piece of cake, you were so stupid to be afraid.

But then a few minutes later you lost it.
The shorter the queue became, the more your confidence shrank.
It was replaced by anxiety, sweaty palms and beating heart. You were telling yourself there was no need for all of this. “Calm down, calm down…”

“Sit down!” the man on the side shouts and quickly fastens all the seatbelts. Now you have no time for worry. Everything happens so quickly.

Before you know it, you start moving. “Oh, it’s not that bad,” you tell yourself and actually trust those words.

And THEN it begins. And what do you do?

Your reaction is automatic. Does it even take a millisecond? You are now holding on tightly and squeezing your eyes shut as hard as you can. You maybe even scream.

Welcome to the rollercoaster.

How do we deal with ups and downs even when they are timed far apart? Sometimes it proves too demanding even when they are anticipated.

Then what about ups and downs so frequently alternating they threaten to drive you crazy? To drive you way beyond crazy and back, and way beyond crazy and back again…

Times are very weird for many of us who haven’t experienced very weird times before. And maybe also for the ones who have.

Uncertainty is looming and answers are scarce.
Scenarios, conspiracies and fears are countless but the reality is just one.

And we all experience it right now. It is so odd how separated yet how together we are. It’s difficult to imagine how the distancing brings us closer but in a way, it does – we realize we are all in this together.

We see we are not the only one going through all of this.
When we pass people by on the street, look at them creating funny memes on social media, it seems they have their shit perfectly together. But if we look a bit closer, we can tell they’ve got this same limbo boiling inside.

For many of us, the story unfolded along the same lines.
We felt uneasy when we first heard of it and tried to brush it off.
Then as it became a bit bigger, came a bit closer, we possibly tried to deny it and laugh it off. But then it kept coming closer, the queue kept getting shorter…

And in a way, we reacted automatically. We’ve adjusted to the new reality as quickly and as best as we can.

We know for how long we have to wash our hands, how far apart we have to stand, what we are allowed to go out for.

However, there’s no right degree of worry, no estimated standard count of mood swings, no invalid feelings.

We have all boarded this insane rollercoaster and none has any idea when and how we get to get off of it.

For the time being, we can only hold on tight. Eyes shut and screaming optional.

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